Snape's New Look
by Eternal Queen
Summary: Minerva gives Snape a makeover. Some interesting results. SS/HG*COMPLETE* sequel up- info inside
1. An Important Bet

Severus Snape walked into the Great Hall, robes billowing behind him, and an ugly scowl distorting his pale face. The entire Hogwarts staff was sitting at the table, talking angrily amongst themselves, and they all turned simultaneously as the heard the tapping of the Potions Master's shoes on the cold stone floor, fury etched on their faces.  
"Where were you?" they shouted immediately. "We have been waiting for over an hour! No one could get through the wards on your door, and you know perfectly well that Albus won't allow us to eat if all staff members haven't showed up!"  
He stuck his tongue out at them like an impudent six-year-old. "I was sleeping." It was obviously true, as they looked at him, taking in his disheveled appearance, with messy, greasy hair, and wrinkled clothes.  
"You were what? SLEEPING? What possessed you...there aren't any students here, and yet you still don't get enough enough sleep at night?" Minerva was so angry, she was spluttering. "And you have the insolence to walk into the hall late, as cool as a cucumber!"   
"Bitch," he murmured under his breath, as he took a seat at the table.  
"WHAT did you call me? Although I am your colleague, I am your superior in every way. And don't try to come sit with respectable people, looking like you stepped out of the toilet. While you're at it, wipe that smirk off your face. What you need is a good, old-fashioned makeover..." Her face cleared as she suddenly thought of an idea. "Look here, Severus, I have a deal to make with you. You know how we are going to watch the duel between Sirius and Fudge today, right? Knowing how much you hate Black, I am sure you will side with Fudge. I will make a bet with you."  
Although Severus wasn't usually into gambling, he would use any opportunity to express his hatred of Sirius Black. "All right. What are the terms?"  
"If Fudge wins, I will wear a green and silver swimsuit around school for one day. If Sirius wins, I get to give you a makeover. A tasteful one, mind you, but still a makeover. Deal?"  
He gasped at the impudence of the suggestion, but his hatred of black, and the urge to see Minerva in a green and silver bathing costume combined with his pride made him extend his hand and take Minerva's cold hand. "Deal." 


	2. The Duel and Its Aftermath

The duel was intense, a testament to sweat and testosterone, but at the end of 4 or 5 hours, Sirius seemed to flagging. He staggered slightly as he tried to avoid Fudge's newest curse, but tripped over a plant root (a remnant from a previous spell) and fell flat on his face. Fudge laughed triumphantly. "Expelliarmus!" The inevitable command came, disarming the helpless wizard on the ground. The battle was over. The referee lifted Fudge's hand in the air, declaring him as the winner, as the audience burst out with frantic cheers, lifting the bemused and ecstatic victor off his feet and into the adjoining bar, where flirtatious harlots in skimpy bathing suits offered to buy him drinks, sickly smiles plastered on their pretty faces. Only Minerva and Severus were left behind, both angry, one with the mob, and one with the unfortunate loser who was now sitting pathetically in front of them. Severus turned with a haughty smile to the Transfiguration Mistress. "I hope that swim suit is ready!" Minerva growled at him with so much fury that he backed off hurriedly, and went to offer Black a hand. "I hope you are well!"  
"Shut up, Snape!" he growled, swatting away Severus' hand. "I can't believe I lost to that dolt."  
"I can. In fact, I am very happy. You won me a very, very unsafe bet. Minerva is going to be dancing around Hogwarts in a green and silver swimsuit tomorrow, while I drink to you and your stupidity. Would you like to come and witness the, well, more positive effects of your otherwise humiliating loss?"  
"Snape, you're pushing it!" This came from both Minerva and Sirius, who were staring at him as if he were the Dark Lord.  
"What? Don't look at me like I'm Voldemort, Black. I was just inviting you to come have a friendly drink with me tomorrow, and that's the way you thank me?"  
"You'll wish you were Voldemort in a minute, Snape, when I get my hands on you. At least he's dead, not in pain!" Sirius was furious.  
"Hands, Black? I thought you only had paws." He ducked, barely avoiding contact with Sirius' very solid fist. Laughing he apparated to Hogsmeade, and made his way to school slowly, still chuckling.  
  
The next day dawned bright and clear. Snape woke in high spirits, giggling even as he opened his eyes. His cheerfulness was dampened slightly when he realized he was once again in bed alone. He sighed. It had been so long since he had anyone to love, anyone who loved him. 'I must be getting singularly unattractive,' he thought sadly. He brightened considerably at the thought of seeing Minerva in a green swim suit, and suddenly found the energy to take a shower and get dressed. Severus made his way to breakfast in a hurried manner, skipping. Skipping. SKIPPING. Severus Snape was SKIPPING. Even that humiliating gait was insufficient to contain his glee. He took his seat at the high table, looking around for Minerva. "Where is she?" he asked his equally mirthful colleagues. He was hoping she hadn't chickened out. The other staff members said they didn't know, all of them trying in vain to hide their huge smiles under small hands. Dumbledore wasn't even trying to keep a straight face. It seemed that Remus had made a rather humorous drawing of the woman, and Dumbledore, under the effects o too many lemon drops, could not help but laugh. "Shhh," said someone. "Here she comes." They all looked expectantly at the doorway, but when she walked in, they gasped. She was- 


	3. It's Getting Hot in Here

Hey all!  
Thanks so much for reviewing. It means a lot to me. Watch out, the characters are a bit OOC in this chapter, and the language is kinda strong. And the images it evokes are, well, disturbing if you picture the characters as the actors who play them in the movie. Just a friendly warning. Thanks again!!!!  
~Manisha~  
  
Hot. Incredibly sexy, and downright arousing. And that suit? Severus had NOT been expecting it. He, and the other staff members had been expecting a severe, Minerva-like Speedo, probably with long pants, and long sleeves, like he ones worn in the Olympics. After all, she was transfiguring the suit to be whatever way she wanted it to be, and she could have been, well, a leetle bit more predictable. But no. Here she was in a two piece bathing suite with a strapless tube top and a thong. A THONG. Minerva McGonagall was wearing a THONG. And it looked GOOD on her. The idea was EXTREMELY disturbing. 'But hey,' thought Severus. 'A pretty woman is a pretty woman, even if she is old enough to be your mother.' Minerva walked seductively to the table, and approached her staring male colleagues. "I'm sooo thirsty," she purred. "Do you handsome gents have anything for me to drink?"  
  
Severus decided to play along. "I do, but you might have to kneel here to get it." He pointed at the ground in front of his feet. Minerva was puzzled for a moment, and then a wave of disgust rolled across her expressive face as she comprehended the sexual meaning of the statement.  
  
"Snape, you are disgusting," she whispered underneath her breath, before turning to Lupin, a flirtatious smile on her face. "What about you?" She flipped her hair, which hung loose down her back, and half turned, showing a part of her bare backside covered only by the see-through material of her sarong. Lupin smiled. He knew how to play, even if Snape didn't.  
  
"Of course, pretty maiden. Let me help you to a seat." He deliberately placed an arm around her waste, and pulled a chair out for her, whispering something in her ear that made her giggle and blush becomingly. Severus strongly suspected that whatever amusing tidbit that Lupin had so gladly shared was about him, judging by the way they would look at him, and the at each other, before laughing. He decided to get his own back.  
  
"I hope you are enjoying yourself, my lycanthropic friend, with a woman twice your age, but I doubt Black will be pleased when he finds that you have been cheating on him with a fifty-year-old in a thong. I am sure that you should be content looking at him in a thong, although I must say, that would be rather an unpleasant sight."  
  
Lupin growled. "I am not gay. It's more likely that you are, since everyone knows that you go into the boy's quarters in Slytherin every night. I just hope that your bed partner is young Mr. Malfoy, unless you would stoop to the level of making love to Crabbe or Goyle. I don't put anything past you."  
  
Severus was about to strike him VERY hard when Dumbledore's mild voice interfered. "Stop it, my boys. Minerva, come sit by me. I don't want you to get injured as they fight over your love."  
  
Minerva colored prettily. "Thank you Albus. I would rather sit with you. These men are not my type. I never liked younger men." She sat beside Dumbledore, and stroked his arm and hair, as the old man blushed and looked pleased. The two men watched him with jealousy from the other side of the table, and both vowed to get her in their bed by the end of the day.  
  
Minerva McGonagall was walking down the cold stone hallway. She was livid at the idea of wearing a swimsuit, but she had decided that she should show off her body when she had the chance, and not give her colleagues a chance to laugh at her. The looks that Snape and Lupin gave her, however, was disconcerting, to say the least. Minerva began realizing how frightening it was to be stalked. She shivered at the thought of it. Suddenly, a hand landed on her shoulder, which pushed her roughly into a dark corner. "I know you want me," said a familiar deep voice. Snape! What was he doing? He started kissing her. He pushed her off, disgusted, and slapped him.   
  
"What are you doing, Snape? You must be mad. You know what, I think that I should give you a makeover anyway. I kept my part of the bargain, but you tried to rape me, and that was NOT part of the deal." Minerva muttered something under her breath, and took out her wand, aiming it at his startled face. "Cosmetica!" He felt invisible hands on his face and hair, and flinched. McGonagall clapped him on the shoulder. "Much better. Here's a mirror." Snape took it apprehensively. He saw-  
  
AN: I heard you liked my last cliffie, so I made another one for all of you! Heehee. 


	4. A Note to Readers

Note:  
Hi! Just wanted to respond to people who reviewed. First, this is going to be a Severus and Hermione romance soon, in fact, somewhere in the next two chapters. Katie Scarlette, I warned everyone at the beginning of the chapter that the chapter was disturbing. It was supposed to be. Don't let that chapter get you down, keep reading, it'll get better. Auror198, McGonagall is NOT going to bed w/ Sevvie OR Lupin, I was thinking about it, but visions of the Alan Rickman and whoever- plays- McGonagall- in- the- movie were a little too disturbing even for my dirty mind. I'm thinking Albus/ McGonagall right now. I'll update tomorrow all! Thanx for reviewing!  
~Manisha~ 


	5. Out and About

Hey! Thanx to all reviewers! Yeah, yeah, so some of the images are disturbing. Why is it rated PG-13? Uh-huh, that's right. But pleeeeese keep reading! And don't worry about offending me. Flames are welcome!  
Thanks again! And here's a longer chapter for those who wanted it!  
~Manisha~  
  
'Shit!' he thought. 'I look sexy! Wait, it's wrong if I think I look sexy. But really, McGonagall has done a good job.' He looked at the caster of the spell, who was standing in front of him, smirking.  
  
"Maybe now that you look your age, you will act it. Do you like it?" she said, tapping her feet and waiting for an answer.  
  
"Yes!" he said simply, turned on his heel, and walked away down the hall, robes billowing out behind him. He went straight to the nearest mirror, hardly believing that the handsome wizard that looked back at him was Severus Snape. His hair was cut into a layered style, still quite long, but very similar to the hairstyle of Jonathan Jackson in the muggle movie "Tuck Everlasting", which was originally a wizarding book about the elixir of life. It had dark blue streaks running through it that complemented his eyes that he suddenly discovered were a very deep blue, instead of the black that he had assumed it to be. The most incredible change, however, was his skin. It was deeply tanned, and made his teeth automatically whiter. "Like a vacation in a wand," he thought. "Except without all the bother." Severus was startled, however, when he realized that his clothes, too, had changed from the ill-fitting black trousers and loose black shirt he had been wearing to a white muscle shirt under a black leather jacket, and a pair of comfortable black jeans, with a bulge in the pocket. 'What the-?' he thought as he withdrew the object within it. Snape gave out a loud guffaw when he saw it- a pair of sunglasses. 'Minerva thought of everything, the old coot,' he realized. He had completely stopped lusting over her. He didn't have to be so desperate with these new looks. Lupin on the other hand...  
  
Remus Lupin was lying on the floor of the DADA classroom, limbs entangled inextricably with those of the indefatigable Transfiguration mistress as the kissed passionately. She sat up suddenly, wiping her mouth. "We can't do this. Albus...I will be with him in just a few hours. I wouldn't be able to let you down."  
  
"I'm not looking for a long term relationship, Minerva. I encourage you to look to Albus for that. I'm just saying, my private rooms are just a couple doors away, and we both have a couple hours..." Lupin grinned naughtily. "Do you see what I mean?" It was obvious that Minerva understood when she pulled him toward his rooms, kissing him as she walked.  
  
Meanwhile, Severus was deciding what he should do first with his new looks. There were so many possibilities open to him now that he had his new look. He could go anywhere from supermarket to Knockturn Alley to a muggle night club to a French whore-house, or brothel. What first? Of course, to put on those sunglasses. It made him look positively cool, like Keanu Reeves from the Matrix (another muggle film based on a wizarding book about muggles and what would happen to them if they continued becoming more plasticky and fake than they were). 'Ewww, Snape,' he thought to himself. 'You want to look like that muggle idiot? He must be, like, fifty! But still...' He decided to go to a muggle bar and see how many women he could seduce that night.  
  
'The Naughty Pine'. It sounded promising. Snape walked in apprehensively, wondering what kind of place this was. It was better than he could ever have hoped it to be. There was loud music, with a strong beat, the kind he liked to listen to. On one end of the large, sweaty, passionate room was a relatively small bar, behind which stood a number of tall, buxom woman in bathing suits similar to Minerva's who were serving drinks to male customers with flirtatious giggles and seductive touches. He made his way to the bar quietly- he attracted no attention because he fit in extremely well with the other men in the room. "Hello, ladies. May I have a beer? How much is it?" The prostitutes, who had become bored with the unresponsiveness and relative ugliness of the other men, as well as the jealousy and dirty looks of their overprotective girlfriends, turned gladly to this new young man, who was, in their opinion, much more handsome than all the other men, and who seemed completely not taken.   
  
"It's on the house!" said one of them. "We love to talk to a handsome hunk like you." They flirted for sometime until the combined shouts of angry customers and an angry boss drew the girls' attention reluctantly away from him. Severus sat on the bar stool and sipped his third beer, watching the dancers, and tapping his feet to the music. He suddenly realized that there was a girl sitting beside him, doing the same thing. But she was not just any girl- she was pretty, with a fine figure, and she obviously didn't know it. Her face seemed somewhat familiar, but Severus couldn't tell in the poor lighting. He turned to her.  
  
"What are you doing sitting instead of dancing?"  
  
He had to repeat it before she realized that he was speaking to her. "Oh. Sorry, I didn't know you were addressing me. I'm not dancing because I'm not very good, and I'm not here because I want to be. My brother and his fiancŽ are here, and they dragged me along so I would get out a little more. So here I am."  
  
"Ah, and you are here. That is the most important part of your speech. The fact that you are here makes it possible for me to urge you to begin dancing immediately. Once you are in a situation, it does no good to go against the flow. Come, dance with me." He led her gently to the center of the dance floor.  
  
"Thank you for dancing with me. What is your name?"  
  
"S- um, Steve. You?"  
  
"Herm- um, Hermia. Nice to meet you."  
  
"I see you are named after a very noble character in Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream". Why did your parents choose it?"  
  
"I believe it was because they wished me to be of her character and personality. She is still my idol, and I have yet to become similar to her in any way."  
  
"Oh, you have done a better job of it than you give yourself credit for. But have you read Julius Caesar?"  
  
"YES! It's my favorite play of all time! Marc Antony's funeral speech is especially moving." They suddenly found themselves repeating it together. "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. The evil men do lives after them, while the good is oft interred with their bones..." At the end of the speech, they were smiling and laughing.  
  
"I find that recital surprisingly romantic!" Severus smiled down at her, lowering his head to hers carefully.  
  
"Really..." It was the last thing that she could say before his lips came to meet hers. Oh, the joy they felt! The kiss was perfect. They could almost here the classical music and fireworks in the background. Their tongues met- and suddenly her mouth pulled away. "I can't do this." She was almost in tears. "I can't control myself...can't finish what I started...virgin until marriage."  
  
"I understand." The look in his eyes made it clear to her that it did. "I should go. I am a teacher, and classes begin tomorrow. I'm sorry. You gave me a lovely evening." They walked hand in hand to the door of the club. He touched her cheek. "I hope I'll see you again."  
  
"You will. Remember Hermia!" And with that, she was gone. Severus sighed- it had been so wonderful. He stepped quickly into the shadow of a nearby building and Apparated to Hogsmeade (A/N: I know you can't Apparate in Hogwarts grounds. I always say Hogsmeade. He walks from there.) and walked quickly back to Hogwarts. He fell asleep thinking about Hermia.  
  
The next morning he woke very late, much to his sadness. He took a shower quickly and brushed his new hair, thinking about the reaction the newly-arrived students would have when they noticed he wasn't there. Severus could hear their comments now. "Where's Snape?...heard he was fired...maybe he died!...serves him right, the greasy git." Well, he'd give them all a nice shock today. He was definitely no longer greasy, and he had decided to stop being a git. It took too much effort after the fall of Voldemort. He looked at his schedule. What was his first class? Oh, seventh year advanced potions. Wonderful. Another chance to spend time with his young friend Harry Potter, and his friend the insufferable know-it-all Granger. OK, so Hermione wasn't so bad anymore, but still...  
  
At that moment Harry and Hermione were reading over their schedules. Since Ron had died, their friendship had become closer, and Harry had begun to wonder if he had deeper feelings for her than a friend. But right now they were just close friends. "Ugh! Potions first! What a nice way to start the term!" Hermione didn't like her schedule.   
  
"Don't worry, we'll make it out alive," Harry assured her. At that moment, Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat.  
  
"May I see the Head Boy and Girl in my office after breakfast please? Thank you." McGonagall looked over at him, batting her eyelashes, and putting on a simpering smile. He looked back, blushing, and winked.  
  
"Eww," said Harry. "Is McGonagall making eyes at Dumbledore?"  
  
"Yeah...I heard they were dating, or something."  
  
"Weird!"  
  
"I agree."  
  
At the end of breakfast, Hermione, and the Head Boy, Draco Malfoy, went up to Dumbledore's office, where they discussed some of the entertainments that were to occur during that term. They left quickly, but not fast enough that they wouldn't be late for Potions. They raced down the halls to the entrance of the dungeons. Malfoy walked in first. "Sorry, Professor," she heard him drawl. "I was at a meeting." She braced herself, and walked in after him.  
  
"I was at the meeting..." Her breath stopped as she stared at the man in front of her. God! He had changed so much. "Gods!" Hermione blurted. "You're beautiful!"  
  
Want me to go on, people? 


	6. Discussions

Hi people! Just wanted to tell you all how much I appreciate your reviews. You are way too cool! Sorry about the delay... But I have an excuse! It is the holidays, and I was away. Just in response to some of the reviews- Taryn: yes, this is in response to the Snape Makeover challenge. I meant no harm, I give you credit for any of the plot that is specified by the rules, but all the decoration (i.e. Minerva in a thong) is mine. Aeiou- I mean no insult to Dame Maggie Smith; she is one of my favorite actresses. It's just that she doesn't have the looks or demeanor of a playboy model, and the thong thing is rather disturbing. Auror198- I hope that the remus/minerva romance was sufficient. You said whirlwind, and that was exactly what it was. Snakecharmer- I hope the chapters are long enough! By the way, I hate Ron too. Rupert Grint, especially with his real hair and clothes, is awesome. OK, OK, I'll get to the story now. Thanx all!   
~Manisha~  
  
The whole class, and even the Professor stared at Hermione in amazement. She turned a bright red, and tried to squeeze past the Potions Master, who was transfixed in shock, but she found her way blocked by his solid, muscular, leather-encased self. She looked down, waiting for the burst of angry words that would inevitably be followed by a string of detentions. But when he spoke, his voice was soft. "Thank you. And so are you. Now go to your seat, and get out your cauldron. We have some work to do." She looked up in astonishment at this new man who had been created out of leather, testosterone, and a nice soft teddy bear. The perfect combination in a man.  
  
She blushed becomingly. "Thank you. Where do I sit? Next to Harry? But Pansy is sitting there."  
  
"Oh yes. We got new seats, mixing the Slytherins and Gryffindors, encouraging calm between the houses. You'll be with Mr. Malfoy."  
  
"Oh great," she muttered.  
  
"What was that, Miss Granger?"  
  
"Nothing, Professor." She sat down obediently beside Malfoy who was grinning evilly at her.  
  
"Looking good, Granger."  
  
"Oh, go to Hufflepuff, asshole. Just don't show me your ugly face again. Anyway, won't your mother be unhappy that you're coming on to a muggle-born mudblood? Oh, I forgot. I'm not."  
  
"What?!?!?!?!?" Malfoy was VERY confused.  
  
"Yeah. Turns out I had been adopted. My biological parents were both purebloods, but they weren't married, and the father were engaged to be married. They tried to hush up my birth by having my mother give birth in a muggle hospital, but she died. The father's name was written on my birth certificate."  
  
"Is he alive?"  
  
"As, a matter of fact, kind of. Probably not really. He's in Azkaban."  
  
"Seriously? He was a Dark Wizard? Who was he?"  
  
"Lucius Malfoy."  
  
Malfoy gaped. "You're- But- you're my SISTER?"  
  
"Yeah, Malfoy. Can't you hear what I'm saying?"  
  
"You can't call me Malfoy anymore." He was smirking now, and had obviously gotten over the shock. "You are one too."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. You're dad abandoned my mom, so I don't have to take his name. Unless you're saying that because you want me to marry you, but I seriously hope that's not what you're implying, because that would be REALLY wrong, on MANY levels."  
  
"EWWWW! THAT"S GROSS!" Draco didn't realize that he had yelled this last phrase at the top of his lungs. As a shadow fell across his desk, he looked up to find Snape staring down at him.  
  
"What's gross, Mr. Malfoy? Ms. Granger? I hope that she is not who you are talking about, because you are sadly mistaken. Ms. Granger is a beautiful and kind young woman, unlike you."  
  
"Yeah, Malfoy," Harry whispered. "You are so unladylike."  
  
"Shut up!" Draco was enraged.  
  
"Did you just tell me to shut up, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape was almost spitting with rage. Hermione giggled. "And, what are you laughing at, Ms. Granger? I cannot stand your insolence, either of you. You have detention tonight, at eight. Be prompt. Class dismissed." Hermione went to his desk timidly as the rest of the class left.  
  
"Professor?"  
  
"Yes, Ms. Granger."  
  
"About what just happened..."  
  
"I know you don't deserve detention. I had to give you one, so the other teachers wouldn't think that I was playing favorites, and that my favorite would be you. I am supposed to have a favorite, but it is supposed to be Mr. Malfoy, not you. I am sorry. You need not serve it if you do not want to , although I have a rather interesting extra credit project you might want to consider doing for your seventh-year thesis. What about it?"  
  
"Oh, I would love that!" At that moment, Harry called to her.  
  
"Coming, Hermione?"  
  
"Just a second, Harry. You go ahead. I don't have divination with you anyway."  
  
"All right. If you're sure you can get to Arithmancy by yourself, that is."  
  
"Of course I can, silly. Shoo." She turned to the Professor, who was staring at her, half amused, half angry. "What!!"  
  
"He seems very protective of you."  
  
"He is. One of these days, his protectiveness will choke me."  
  
"Are you dating?" The question came out of no where.  
  
"Huh?" It was not at all in character of Professor Snape to ask questions about a Gryffindor's personal life. But then again, everything about Snape was out of character these days. "I mean, no. No with a capital N. He's dating Ginny, and they already seem like they're married. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Oh, just wondering. You seem tired. Why is it?"  
  
"AAAAAH! Do I have circles under my eyes? I used concealer, but..."  
  
"Don't worry, Ms. Granger. You look beautiful. I only said that because of the way you walked and talked, and your lack of enthusiasm."  
  
"Oh. Well, if you must know, I was at a night club last night, because my brother and his fiancŽ took me. I met this man and I stayed out too late." The story seemed uncannily familiar to Severus.  
  
"Really! I to was at a night club last night. I met a beautiful woman, and I was stayed out too late as well, but I remembered that I had classes, and left rather abruptly. I'm afraid the lady I was dancing with thought me quite rude." This seemed very similar to a story Hermione had heard elsewhere.  
  
"Well... I just wanted to apologize for my earlier words. You must have thought me terribly impertinent."  
  
"Not at all. Change takes everyone by surprise."  
  
"May I ask you something rather personal, Professor?" Severus was apprehensive.  
  
"I suppose so..."  
  
"What was the name of the woman you met last night?"  
  
"Hermia." 


	7. Another Note!

Hello people! I'm sorry that this isn't a real chapter, but I wanted to clear some things up. I have been receiving outraged e-mails about my treatment of Dame Maggie Smith and the late Richard Harris. I wanted to tell you all that I mean no disrespect to either of them. They are both wonderful actors, and the only reason that I keep telling you about the disturbing images is because the film makers have portrayed McGonagall as an elderly and stern woman. I want the readers to loosen up the image of the characters they have in their mind and create a whole new set with the images I'm describing. You know, Minerva as a younger woman, Snape as under 30. Also, I want to tell you that the characters will not be OOC in the next chapter, which I will post ASAP. One reviewer complained that Snape has become a softie, and I agree. Just want to let everyone know that Snape has NOT changed one whit on the inside- he is just making an effort to be nice and fair. Will people pleeeeeeese review? I was HOPING for AT LEAST TEN reviews on the last chapter before I continue. Well, thanx, and watch for the next installment tomorrow!!!  
~Manisha~ 


	8. What the F is Going On?

Hi people! Thanks for reviewing! I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but I went to see Chamber of Secrets for the second time. I could only think, like, I love Alan Rickman, and then I love Tom Felton, and then back to the former. I was seriously hyperventilating! By the way, if you people want a REALLY cool picture of Tom Felton, go to http://www.harrypotterfan.com/index.php?option=gallery&Itemid=63. Well then, back to the story. Thanx again! I love you all. ~Manisha~  
  
Severus continued as he noted the shocked look on her face. "And what was the name of the man you met?"  
  
"Steve." Hermione could barely gasp out the syllable. "So it was you." As the two figured out the real state of affairs, similar expressions of shock and horror diffused over their faces. Hermione hurriedly picked up her bookbag. "I have to go- arithmancy- see you tonight- thanks."She practically sprinted through the stone doorway, leaving the Potions Master staring after her, the familiar beginnings of a bad migraine shooting through his skull. He sat down heavily at his desk, his head in his hands. What had he gotten himself into? The Granger girl- no, he corrected himself, she was a woman now- probably thought that he was in love with her (which he was, said a nasty part of his mind); and that 'detention' tonight! What was he to do with her alone with him for a few hours in a secluded area of the castle? He might not be able to control himself. She would be so disgusted! And Severus Snape did NOT molest children!! No, he had to get used the fact that she was an adult woman. Well, still, it was against the law. So what was he to do? There was only one choice. He had to revert back to his greasy git state in order to prove to her that he had NO interest in he WHATSOEVER. Was that so hard? Severus seriously hoped not.  
  
For Hermione, the events had been traumatizing. How was she to act now? Should she act seductively, interestedly, or just ignore any suggestion that anything had ever happened? She was quiet and troubled at lunch, and Harry became worried. "Hermione? Is there anything wrong?"  
  
She looked at him, startled. "Why, no. I mean, nothing much."  
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
"Oh, well if you must know, I was thinking about Ron. I just can't seem to get him out of my mind these days." Hermione lied glibly.  
  
"Ahhh." The subject was touchy, and rarely mentioned. Ron's death had been both a good and bad thing for everyone- although he was a friend of Harry and Hermione, he had gone over to the Dark Side, and had become Voldemort's most prized follower, even closer than Lucius Malfoy. Harry had been forced to torture him for information, because he could resist Veritaserum, and Hermione had had to watch. Neither of them would forget the sight of Ron Weasley in the garb and mask of a Death Eater, screaming helplessly, stopping only to blurt out the names and places that were the answers to questions that had been troubling Dumbledore for quite some time. That time had been horrible- even the Ministry couldn't be trusted. After Cornelius Fudge had been forced stepped down from the position of Minister, Lucius Malfoy had taken over and begun a short reign of terror. Fortunately, Ron was caught at that time, and Voldemort had been overthrown. Still, it had been hard on the two steadfast friends to kill their best friend, and most hated enemy. Suddenly, Harry turned to Hermione.  
  
"Hermione."  
  
"What, Harry?"  
  
"I need your advice."  
  
"Oh?" Harry rarely asked for advice, unless it was about girls. But this couldn't be about girls, could it? He had Ginny now.  
  
"Ummm, it's like this. I, uh, think I have feelings for this girl."  
  
"You mean, other than Ginny?"  
  
"Yeah. I mean, we're friends now, this girl and I. But now I'm beginning to think that I might be."  
  
"Romantically interested in her? Don't even THINK about leaving Ginny, Harry. If you did that, you would make one of the biggest mistakes of your life."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Positive. Now go and wash your brain so you forget this temporary attraction. You are practically married to Ginny. I vowed to see you and Ginny married, and I will not die without seeing it."  
  
"OK, OK, I got the point." At that moment, Snape walked in, without the presence that he usually had when he walked into the room. He seemed worried and preoccupied, and it was clear that he was thinking of the same troublesome issue as Hermione. As he took his place at the high table, all eyes were riveted on him. Some of the girls began to whistle. At this, Snape looked up, smiling. The whistles grew louder, and many girls began to blush or even swoon. Severus enjoyed the attention. Never had he had such attention from females! He could get used to this. While he was looking around, though, he caught the eye of Hermione Granger, who was staring at him, not in the worshipping manner of the other girls, but with cinnamon eyes brimming with uncertainty, worry, and admiration. Harry saw her looking at Severus, and was surprised.  
  
"Hermione, why are you staring at Snape? Don't tell me you think he is attractive? Oh, wait, you said that he was beautiful this morning. That would explain it. But I must ask you something. WHY DID YOU SAY THAT HE WAS BEAUTIFUL IN CLASS THIS MORNING?"  
  
"Oh. Were you talking to me, Harry?"  
  
"YEAH. I SAID, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT SNAPE WAS BEAUTIFUL THIS MORNING?" It was clear by the astonished looks on the faces of the other students that the entire student body had heard this. They quickly turned their gazes away from her, and began to talk faster than usual.  
  
Hermione nudged Harry VERY hard. "What the fuck did you do that for?" she hissed, obviously very angry. Hermione Granger DID NOT swear, except if she had a REALLY good reason.  
  
Harry was scared, with good reason. 'Holy shit,' he thought. 'Now I'm in for it.' "Hermione, calm down." Harry's tone was soothing. "No need to get upset. It was just an accident."  
  
"You wait till I get you alone." Hermione's eyes were glittering dangerously.  
  
"Um, yeah. Well, you have to go to detention, right?"  
  
"Grrrrrrrr."  
  
Harry backed away hurriedly. "Well.uhhh.see you later." He ran out of the room as fast as his legs could take him. Hermione visibly made herself relax, and walked toward the dungeons.  
  
'Act only the way he does,' she thought. 'I will not be accused of crossing any lines then.'  
  
She knocked on the door, and, after a second, it opened. She heard a voice from inside the room call "Come in!" Cautiously, she opened the door, and sidled in. Severus Snape was sitting at the desk, grading papers. He didn't look up as Hermione came in. "Sit down, Miss Granger." His voice was silky and dangerous.  
  
Gulping, she took the seat that she had occupied during that fateful class that morning. When he didn't look up for some minutes, Hermione became frightened that he might have forgotten that she was in there. "Sir?" she ventured.  
  
He raised his head. "Miss Granger, could you be quiet? This is detention. If you utter another word, I'll have to take points off Gryffindor."  
  
"But, sir, you said that you were going to give me a project to work on for my thesis."  
  
"Yes. But I am not so sure that it can be managed any more."  
  
"Oh. But I was really looking forward to it."  
  
"Get used to disappointment, girl."  
  
This statement didn't agree with Hermione. "Excuse me, sir, but this is no time to be sad. Voldemort has been defeated. These are carefree days. I don't think there will be much in the way of disappointment for us, especially compared to the disappointment that we have experienced in the past few years."  
  
"Hmmmm, you have a point- No! You are foolish and rude. Even with that oversized brain of yours, you should be able to hold up your head long enough to consider the fact that we still live in the real world, where everything ends in disappointment. And a point from Gryffindor for your impertinence."  
  
"Sir, could I ask you something?"  
  
"If you must, Miss Granger."  
  
"Why are you such an asshole?" 


	9. The Culmination

Hey y'all! Thanks for the praise and reviews! I loved hearing from you! This is my last official chapter but I'll write an epilogue, and a sequel if you guys want it ~cough~review~cough~. So enjoy the chapter, and pleeeeeze review, k? Thanx again.  
~Manisha~  
  
"I don't know." Hermione, who had been looking down, waiting for a outburst of temper, followed by a number of detentions and a lot of lost house points, looked up into his eyes.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean, no, I am not offended by your question, but am answering it civilly after having considered my answer tenderly. Hermione, let me tell you a few things. This Christmas holidays were unforgettable. They changed my whole life, and my attitude. The change in my outward appearance is only a reflection of the changes that have gone on inside me. At the beginning of the holidays, I was still that insufferably git that all the students enjoy taunting behind his back. Then, Minerva and Albus taught me something that I will never forget; they taught me how to be happy. Do you know, I even skipped once this holidays!!! I have realized that being dark and mysterious is no longer necessary when there is nothing to be sad or angry about. With Voldemort gone, it is unnecessary, tiring, and even cruel to be evil. It is a sin to take away the happiness of the carefree spirits around you. My new appearance just helped me gain confidence. You saw me at the night club. I wasn't anything like I used to be. Just now, though, I was trying to prevent the impending teacher/student relationship by making you hate me. You see, I am in love with you, completely and utterly. Even now you are breaking my heart. My reputation is already gone- everyone thinks I am a 'hot softie' as I heard one seventh year girl say today. I might as well BE soft."  
  
By this time, Hermione had moved up toward his desk, swaying her hips seductively. "But Severus, admitting your feelings is not soft- it is merely selfish. It assures you of the other's feelings toward you. And let me tell you, your feelings are most certainly returned." She placed her hand in his, and looked into his face, eyes twinkling with playfulness and mischief. "I personally am not fond of breaking too many rules, but I think I can make an exception about this. How about we try this forbidden relationship, and see if it works out? I'm sure Dumbledore would be quite alright with it; I am, after all, only 9 years your junior."  
  
At her words, Severus choked. "You'd be willing to have a romantic relationship with- with me? The greasy git, most- hated- professor- ever, Potions Master?"  
  
The answer was simple. "Absolutely." But it didn't end there. "I would have been willing to have a relationship with you even when you were a greasy git. But now, you most certainly are no longer such a bastard, and, in my eyes, are a million times as desirable." Over the table, their lips met with twice the passion that they had the previous night, now that they were both sure of their right to take possession of the other's mouth and heart.  
  
Meanwhile, in the staff room...  
  
Minerva and Albus were kissing passionately while the rest of the staff members looked on in disgust. "Really, you two," said Remus Lupin. "Get a room!"  
  
Minerva looked at him reproachfully. "Oh, Lupin, you're just sad that you won't get a repeat of yesterday!" With that, she left the room gracefully on Dumbledore's arm. The rest of the staff looked at Remus, eyes full of vulgar curiosity.  
  
"What happened yesterday, Lupin?"  
  
"Yeah, why did she look so naughty?"  
  
Lupin was enjoying the attention. "Well, we both had some free time, and , well, we were discussing our hobbies, and the word 'canoodling' came up, and, you know..."  
  
"Wow!"  
  
"Never knew Minerva was such a slut!"  
  
The staff loved a bit of gossip. But, there was someone missing...  
  
"Where's Severus?"  
  
"I don't know, and I don't care. The women might think him handsome, but he's just a big overgrown bat!"  
  
"Hey! He really is sexy! Where is he?"  
  
"Maybe in his office."  
  
"Why would he be there? He doesn't have any classes now!"  
  
"He must have given some poor, unsuspecting child a detention!"  
  
"Ugh, I just hope he hasn't gone back to being a fucking asshole like he used to be before his makeover."  
  
"Yeah, well, maybe he's grading papers."  
  
"Let's go and get him! I want to touch his hair to see if it's greasy!"  
  
"YOU can do that, BY YOUSELF, Hooch. But it will be fun to interrupt him when he's working and see how he reacts."  
  
"Let's go!" The entire Hogwarts staff moved en masse to the dungeons, the mob feeling growing every second.  
  
"We can break down the door if he has it locked!"  
  
"Yeah, and if he doesn't..."  
  
"We can sneak up on him!"  
  
"Cool!!" Sprout began to squeal with anticipation. They reached the dungeons, and quickly tried the door. To their joy, it was unlocked! They opened the door and rushed in, only to stop in amazement and horror.  
  
Snape, and Hermione Granger, the school's Head Girl, were kissing passionately on the stone floor of the classroom. The teachers cringed involuntarily- they had never imagined that their prank would lead them to witness this disturbing scene. The two looked up from their, ahem, activities, to see the entire staff of Hogwarts looking down on them. They quickly wiped their mouths and stood. Hermione was the first to make any move. "Well, hello. Fancy seeing all of you here! Well, I have a lot of homework to do, so I'll see you later!" She grabbed her bag and tried to duck past the teachers, who were petrified, but at the doorway, she encountered Minerva and Albus.  
  
"Not so fast, young lady. Where might you be going?"  
  
"Somewhere other than here, Professor."  
  
At this, the teachers turned to Albus and Minerva, and frantically began to report their findings to the headmaster and mistress. "We just came in...they were SNOGGING, sir...there must be something in the rules about this!"  
  
Albus held up his hand. "Hush, children! I think it's best if I deal with this situation alone." The teachers streamed out the door, but Minerva lingered uneasily. "You too, my dear." She swept away down the corridor, looking extremely miffed. "Well, what's going on here?"  
  
Snape began. "I went to a night club yesterday night, to see where my looks could take me with women. I met this beautiful woman who said her name was Hermia, and I danced with her, kissed her, and fell in love with her."  
  
Here, Hermione took over. "I went to a night club too. I met a handsome man, who called himself Steve. I fell in love with him, too..."  
  
"And these two turned out to be you two, except with false names, am I right?" Albus seemed to have figured out the situation, and now his eye had a twinkle that was brighter than usual. "I suppose I should punish the two of you for breaking rules, but Hermione is a consenting adult, so the relationship is completely lawful. Well, I'll have to ask you to keep this relationship a secret. Well then, I feel like a most unwelcome intruder. Carry on." With that, he turned and left.  
  
Hermione and Severus were startled beyond measure. He broke the silence. "Well, in that case..." Suddenly, an unfamiliar mischievous look came into his eyes. "You heard what the man said. Let us carry on." And the two resumed their previous enjoyments.  
  
FINIS  
  
So, what do you think? I'm going to write an epilogue tomorrow, but if you want a sequel, there is a nice little button which says 'Submit Review' on it, and if you press it, you might find that this story continues to become funnier, and more wonderful than anything you could have dreamed of. So what do you say? Pleeeeeeeeeeeze review! 


	10. Epilogue

One year later.  
  
An owl flew through the window of the apartment and hit Hermione Granger on the head. "Shit!" she said. "What the hell was that?" She looked at the letter on the owl's leg. The seal was very familiar.'Hogwarts!' Hermione thought exultantly. 'Why am I getting mail from Hogwarts?' She opened the letter apprehensively, and took out the yellow parchment inside. The writing was not Dumbledore's loopy hand, but Snape's precise cursive.  
  
Dear Miss Granger,  
  
I am pleased to inform you, that, with the departure of our Transfiguration teacher, Professor Minerva McGonagall, you have been offered the position of Transfiguration Mistress at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. If you have any questions about the job, you may ask the Headmaster during your interview, which will be held tomorrow at the Headmaster's office. If you decide to accept this offer, you will be given lodgings in the Hogwarts and will not only teach your designated subject, but will be appointed the head of Gryffindor house. Please send this owl back to notify us whether you will be able to attend the interview.  
  
Sincerely, Severus Snape Headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry Order of Merlin, First Class  
  
Order of Phoenix, First Class  
  
'So that's what their up to, huh,' she thought cynically. 'And Snape is Headmaster. Probably fucking Sprout. Asshole.' She was remembering the whirlwind relationship they had had when she had been in her seventh year. She had really been in love, but everything had happened so fast. They met one night under false names and had danced. The next day, they were declaring their undying love for each other. Severus had obviously seen it as it was right at the beginning- a fling. Their passions had culminated in bed the night before graduation, and afterward, he had dropped her like a fly. 'I always hoped I would see him again,' she thought. 'Just so I could kick his ass- REALLY hard.' Hermione took a piece of parchment from her desk and took up a quill. A minute later, she took up the finished note and tied it to the owl's leg, who flew off into the dawn quickly.  
  
At Hogwarts castle, Headmaster Snape was sitting in his chair behind the old, gnarled desk, thinking about a certain ex- student of his. What the hell had he been thinking to consider Flitwick's suggestion of using her to replace McGonagall? She would either refuse or make him the laughing stock of the school by revealing some embarrassing detail about his sex life. Well, it wasn't like he wasn't well equipped, or anything, but still, she knew far too much about him. He had loved her, with such a fierce intensity, that it had been frightening. So why had he broken off the relationship, and broken her heart? Because she hadn't known what she was getting herself into! 'That's not true, Snape!' a nasty little part of his mind said to him. 'It was just because you were afraid that your reputation would be ruined if you revealed the relationship, which you would have had to after graduation. "Shut up!" he said to the air in his office. At that moment, Sirius Black stepped through the door, looking at the man before him in surprise.  
  
"Was that rude comment meant for me?"  
  
Snape sighed. "No. Of course not."  
  
"So you were telling yourself to shut up." 'The man must be more disturbed than I thought,' thought Sirius.  
  
"No!" Severus snapped rudely. "I was talking to that little voice in my brain that's really annoying."  
  
"Ummm, Severus, perhaps you should go to Madame Pomfrey if you're hearing voices." 'Poor guy must be mentally ill,' thought Sirius, as he checked the other man's forehead for fever.  
  
Snape recoiled in horror. "Black, I don't enjoy gay men coming on to me."  
  
"But would you, ahem, enjoy, a gay man who wasn't coming on to you? By the way, when you made that completely unrelated comment, I hope you weren't talking about me, because I am NOT gay, as I have reiterated to you many times over."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, prove it."  
  
At that moment, Hooch walked in in a bathing suit, obviously having just returned from swim in the lake. She had come, it seemed, to seduce the Headmaster, but seeing another handsome man in the room as well, she decided to try her luck on him as well. "Ahh, hello Sirius," she cooed. Suddenly, a grin diffused over his face. 'What a wonderful chance to prove to Severus.' he thought.  
  
He turned to Hooch with a flirtatious smile on his face. "Lovely Madam," he said courteously, bowing and kissing her hand. "How nice to see you!"  
  
"And I you, Sirius," she said, batting her eyelashes seductively. Severus watched the exchange with amusement, knowing the game they were playing all too well. He had had various other women after Hermione just to rid himself of her memory, but none of them had been like her. That night.His thoughts were drawn away from the past as he heard a purring noise coming out of Hooch's mouth. "I love strong men," she was saying. Severus had to cover his mouth to stop himself from snorting rudely. Sirius had a very, ahem, physical answer to that statement. He stepped forward, wrapping her in his arms, and kissed her. This went on for quite some time before Snape got VERY disgusted, and called to them.  
  
"Very touching, you two. But could you please get a room before I vomit? I never hoped to be alive to see that much of either of your tongues."  
  
Sirius glared at him over Hooch's head. "So what if we don't want to go anywhere?"  
  
"Oh, just get lost, Black!" And the pair snogged their way out of his office. Suddenly, something feathery and black hit the back of his head. "Shit! What the hell was that?" he said, unconsciously repeating the exact words of his ex-lover. He untied the parchment from the leg of the black owl, and opened the parchment, allowing the owl free access to the papers on the desk. It was in a familiar scrawl, and the wording was interesting to say the least. 'Hermione,' he thought, and began to read. The note was very short- different from her usual lengthy letters. In fact, it only had six words on it. 'I'll be there, you fucking bastard.' 


	11. A VERY Important Author's Note!

Hi all of you! So sorry there wasn't an author's note on the epilogue. So here it is! First of all, I loved all you reviewers. I got like 10 reviews on chapter 9 within 4hrs. of posting it! I love you all sooooooo much!!!! I was thinking of putting a really fluffy ending for the epilogue, so sweet that you would all vomit, if I didn't get enough reviews, but I got plenty, so I decided to be cool, and give u guys one that makes everyone want a sequel (I hope). So, I need a few more reviews, but I'm pretty sure that a sequel is on the way! I'll let y'all know when it's out. Probly soon. If anyone's got something they REALLY want to happen in the sequel, tell me in a review, cuz I haven't quite solidified my plans about the sequel. ¡Pienso que Hermione golpeará seriamente algún asno atractivo de Snape con el pie en la consecuencia! (Haha! That seriously means 'I think Hermione will seriously kick some sexy Snape ass in the sequel. Get u'r teacher to translate that one for you. Never leave me alone in a room with a translator. [laughs maniacally]) Well, thanx all, and read my other story, An Extraordinary Fate. It's darker than this one, and I haven't got reviews, so I'm not continuing it. But pleeeeeeeese? Thanx all! And taking the advice of my dear reviewer, Idamae, I will now 'get typing', k? Bye for now!  
  
~Manisha~ 


	12. IMPORTANT NOTES ON SEQUEL!

Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you all know that there is a sequel out now, by the name of Fights, Love, and LOTS of Dirty Jokes, which is basically a good summary of the story. I hope you all enjoy it. Here is the site: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1163931. I just hope that you all enjoy it! Now, to respond to reviewers- I'm sorry about my Spanish mistake in the last note. Juryu- I'm sorry that my review- begging is annoying to you, but it means a lot to me that people are reading my story. I personally review every story I get, because I like to let people know I'm reading. I don't flame, but my reviews aren't always nice. If anyone else has a problem with my begging for reviews, let me know. Well, all of you must shoo if you are reading this, and go read my sequel! But don't forget to review when you get there, kk? Thanx all!  
  
~Manisha~ 


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